Cand3lasville

I finally got home from work and I am trying to relax. I don’t have a job tonight so I can relax. In the other hand, I could really use the money. But I guess that my wellbeing is on top of money.

You could not work in bad health!!

My mental state is a different matter all together. Please don’t get me wrong, I’m not become crazy. I’m just mentally and emotionally numb.

Sometimes I ask myself, would this last for ever? Am I the only one in this planet that feels that way?

But them a little part of me says,

“Everything will be ok.”

I think everything started when my ex-wife left me. Just try to visualize ten years of marriage, where you thought everything was going wonderful. And then she disappears on you. Then you found out that she was cheating on you all this years, and she left you with two girls. I was out for two weeks. Thank God for my parents! I guess this would be the reason why I feel the way I feel today.

But I don’t want to feel this way. I want to feel again. I want to look at someone, feel the energy developing inside my heart and sense that this person is feeling the same way too.

I know; you don’t have to tell me. You are going to say that I am describing what happens during Fresh Love. That Fresh Love only happens when you just fell in love with someone. That Fresh Love does not last for ever and it will eventually die. Well, life is been cruel to me because this Fresh Love as you call it usually dies with my partners but it is still fresh on my heart as the first day we met.

Why is that? I don’t understand. You might think I am contradicting myself but truly I am not. When I talk about feeling again, I mean to feel for someone and to sense that that someone feels the same way for you.

This is not hard to understand, right?

Is it so difficult to sense when someone feels something for you?

Is this impossible?

Maybe it is, because obviously I do not count for experience, since I obviously did not feel anything coming from my ex-wife.

But I do know one thing for sure, and that is that live will go on, and this planet will keep turning.

Ok, now I’m on my lunch time again, and so far I have accomplished a lot at work. I ate a sandwich made with butter and turkey meat, a Cherry Coke and some chips. I could not help but notice that I am extremely shaky as I looked at my hands grabbing the Coke can. Maybe is all the stress that I am under, maybe because I worked all day yesterday and went to bed late. Or maybe it was the two cups of coffee I had my sugar this morning. I know, I know, I should be cutting down on sugar. Everyone tells me that because my mother has diabetes. I don’t know; I just hope that it goes away soon. I’m just trying to keep my thoughts away from my matters at home.

I have been reading some blogs and this one in particular caught my attention. It was about reaching an unknown dream and in that quest not having the fear to the unknown.

Acquiring your dream without fear!

I have that phrase in my head now, because it has a very profound meaning. Being able to reach all of your dreams will take you on a quest. And on that quest you will not know what is going to cross your path. One think is for sure, you will encounter lots of obstacles. Some will be easy and some will be hart, but what would be the most important obstacles are those which are scary to us. Those are the obstacles that will deposit enough fear on a person in a way that such person has to deviate from the path to reach their goal. Some people, upon reaching this obstacle, panic and quit their quest, and in doing so never reach their goal. These are the quitters and they are the ones that usually regret the choices they had made in their lives.

I guess my message will be to set your site on your objective and if you go after it without fear, you will in turn reach your goal.

Thank you very much Linda for the inspiration.

It’s the start of a new day and I am already at work. Yesterday I was so tire that I couldn’t write much. I was so tire because after work I got a computer job at a person’s house near my home. That was really nice since I needed the money. People don’t realize it but when you get a new job, your life becomes upside down for a while. At least for a month! You have to adjust to the new paydays and plan you bills accordantly. Next month I should be in a better position since the new job pays me better.